Self Saotoge

I'm starting to wonder if I am becoming my own worst enemy, that in the end I will be the one to sabotage myself.

I find that I can charm the shit out of anyone, but then when it comes down to action, like calling someone, I bail out.

I find myself signing myself up for things, feeling positive about it, and then withdrawing from it. Or not showing up at all.

I always feel like I am fighting against myself to get things done. I want to be charming and productive but the inner Virgo in me, says "Fuck no, go back to sleep".

Here is more about my indefinite dual personality:

"Leo/Virgo cusp people have the vitality and ambition to be successful in their creative endeavors and are industrious and efficient when working for a good cause.

The Virgin reflects the qualities of a virgin, rather than the definition: Virgos and Virgo cusps tend to be shy and somewhat nervous, and they may be undemonstrative.

The Leo/Virgo is a curious mixture of introverted and extroverted tendencies, modesty and flamboyance, and a capacity to see both the largest and the smallest picture in every situation.

Leo/Virgos are good businesspeople because of their methodical attention to detail and their ability to stick with a practical and organized routine. They are good organizers, and they tend to be popular, even inspiring.

Leo/Virgo cusps are gregarious and social, fun-loving and live life with enthusiasm.

The natural leadership of these people and their administrative prowess help ensure that their projects are successful.

Leo/Virgos enjoy exploring subjects or interests deeply.

They are very good at understanding the deeper meaning of what others say.

They rely on logic rather than emotion to make their decisions. They are reliable, practical and diligent, but they can sometimes seem picky or overcritical to those who aren't as discriminating as they are.

Leo/Virgos are decisive and direct, optimistic that they will succeed. Sometimes they exaggerate problems and overreact to stumbling blocks, but generally they are positive and their natural pride and stubborn streak keeps them from giving up.

Their warmhearted and outgoing personalities are fiery and abundant. They are cheerful and self-assured, and they are studious and sensible in business dealings.

They are skeptical of extravagant claims and promises.

Many Leo/Virgos, however, love to gamble, and may be brash and extravagant at the gaming table.

They also tend to be very health-conscious. They are concerned with diet and hygiene. This interest in health ensures they take good care of their mental and physical selves.

Their perfectionism and physical strength make them strive to excel in whatever sport they choose.

Leo/Virgo is devoted and sometimes jealous, but not especially flirtatious.

The great strength of Leo/Virgos is in their creativity and attention to detail, and their desire to be of service. They pick up on the little things that most miss. Thoughtful gifts or unique solutions to problems are second nature to those with this astrological placement. Their commitment to helping others makes them one of the most giving characters of the zodiac."

The just of this is that I want to be introverted and extroverted at the same time. I am shy and flamboyant at the same time. This is why I always feel like I'm fighting myself for control. This is definitely a fatal flaw. When I tell people I am born on the cusp, they say something like "Oh you are a cuspian, you are one of those." One of those Dr. Jekyll and Hyde characters?