Stanley Time

I don't know why, but once a year

I get a Shia LaDouche obsession.

The way he eats a banana

and can't grow a mustache

warms my heart.

You Can Call Me On The Telephone

You know in the movies, the classic cliche scene where a pay phone is ringing, the main character answers it, and the killer is on the other line. You have all seen it played out in lots of horror movies and thrillers. I've always had the urge to answer a ringing pay phone and I finally got the chance to last weekend.

I was sitting in the ER waiting room in a hospital last saturday waiting for my ride, when the pay phone in the room began to ring. I knew this was finally my chance to live out my dream. I let it ring at least five times before I went over to answer it.

On the line was not a killer but an older lady, at least 5o years old. She said hello and then asked for some man ( I can't remember the name). I told her that the number she called was for a payphone inside the emergency waiting room. She then proceeded to tell me that it wasn't. This then escalated into an argument as the lady was sure she called some number for one of the hospital rooms. She was adamant that it was the correct number and that I was lying. The other people in the waiting room who were watching, began to laugh at the conversation. I argued for a while but then I realized that she would never believe me. I again stated that she had the wrong number and then hung up the phone.

Answering the ominous pay phone was not quite the experience I thought it would be, but it was still more entertaining then just letting it mysteriously ring.

What Is This CRAP You Call Music?

This is the first post in a new segment I'm calling "What Is This CRAP You Call Music?"

First Victim of many: Kesha

Her Song "Tik Tok" is burning up the charts and I'm not sure why. Oh and sorry if you were confused, I mean Ke$sha...

In "Tik Tok", the lyrics are severely trashy and trick Kesha barely sings. It seems like the song is trying to be purposely bad-ass, but it comes out as obviously divulgent. Here's some highlights of the lyrics:

"Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy " - what does this mean? Why the name drop?

"Before I leave brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack"- I know h.c. kids who brush with Everclear. So what?

"And now the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger

But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger "- Mick Jagger now, or in 1970, that's all I want to know?

"I´m talking about - everybody getting crunk crunk

Boys trying to touch my junk junk

Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk drunk " - Crap, Crap...

Anyways, the masterpiece music video for "Tik Tok" shows Ke$ha in her prime. It begins by showing her waking up in a bath tub in a randoms house. More or less, it looks like she woke up in a trash bin after a night of shooting heroin. Now that's high class.

She rolls out of the randoms house and then sits out on the street on a milk crate, looking kind of like she's homeless until a dude with a pedo mustache and fanny pack wins her over. She rides around in his gold Trans-Am stroking his mustache and acting cracked out of the sun roof.

Kesha eventually makes her way to a party where she strokes that mustache again and ends the night passed out in bath tub, again. This is trashy at it's finest. There's good trashy and bad trashy, and this all around is just bad, bad, bad.

You Want a Piece of Me?

First off, I can truly express how much distaste for I have for Megan Fox being on the cover of the Rolling Stone. Second, what she says in the article is totally bullshit. I suggest to avoid reading it at all costs.

To top it off, I really like what she has to say about flying in airplanes. Apparently Megan is afraid to fly so she listens to Britney Spears on the plane. Her reasoning is that "You are not going to die listening to Britney Spears."

I don't think this is necessarily true, but I would think that it would be horrendously cruel for God to let someone die listening to Britney.

In the past, I would sometimes ask people what music or song they would like to listen to while they die. Various answers ensued. My answer five years ago was "Hello goodbye" by the Beatles. I don't discount this choice, but I have changed my mind.

Lately I've been thinking that while I pass on I would like to listen to the sweet disintegrating sounds of Interpol. That would be oddly beautiful and cynical. Perhaps to "Obstacle 2" or "Narc". Dying to Britney would definitely be ironic, especially to "Toxic" or "Piece of Me".

Would You Hit It?

Oh this is old but still priceless. Shia LaDouche in his prime hiding from the paparazzi. Paper Bagging it hard core style with a garbage bag over his cast and a 99 cent Arizona Ice Tea can. Priceless and trashy, but still Would You Hit It?

P.s.- Shia is priceless in the epic Eagle Eye. Watch and cry...

This Trick!

This pants-less lady, this trick that isn't for kids, is on the cover of the RollingStone? I just can't wait for this issue to arrive in my mailbox so I can vomit onto the cover, or at least rip off the cover and throw darts at it. This is the most epic thing I have seen all week and it's only half way through...

TV Land

It's finale time in TV land. 

Kudos to Joan Rivers for winning Celebrity Apprentice. 

One down and many to go: The Biggest Loser, American Idol, 30 Rock, The Office, Grey's Anatomy. And the list of mindless self indulgence goes on.

As far as American Idol goes, my vote goes to the glamour-whore that is Adam. When he sings the heavens open up; sparkles shoot out and rainbows and unicorns frolic around in bliss.

Let's just see what happens...