Not so Lonely anymore

This post is dedicated to The Lonely Island, my current obsession.

http://www.thelonelyisland.com/contact/

These dudes are hilarious and I have loads of respect for their creativity and the shit they have created so far. They have single handedly revamped SNL (mainly with the digital shorts) and created some of the most popular viral videos to date ("I'm on a Boat", "Jizz in my pants", "Lazy Sunday", "Dick in a box"... etc.) And not to mention the greatness that is Hot Rod., which tanked at the box office but is kind of becoming an underground cult classic. The lonely Island has me hooked in a major way, not to mention the obsession within an obsession I have with Andy Samberg. He is gorgeous beyond belief, and he is also hosting the MTV Movie Awards this Sunday so tune in!

"I'm on a boat" is becoming a cultural phenomenon. People all over are treating it along with "Jizz in my pants" as a top 40 hit and are blasting it from their cars and dancing to it at clubs. And speaking of clubs, I was at this highly respectable club last month and when "I'm on a boat" came on, 2 of the tranny ambassadors that prowl that club got up on the speakers and danced around. Trannys dancing to "I'm on a Boat!" This is my dream in a nutshell.

Speaking of The Lonely Island hits, my all time favorite song/video has to be "Stork Patrol". It is definitely the most catchy, and it's fucking hilarious. My only question is who is in that sexy bird suit?

My love runs deep for these dudes and I only hope that they go on to create more works of genius. But when I look into my crystal ball, I forsee that they will eventually split up (in the next 3 years) and go onto stardom in their own right. Especially Mr. Samberg, who I think is already quite legit.

This Trick!

This pants-less lady, this trick that isn't for kids, is on the cover of the RollingStone? I just can't wait for this issue to arrive in my mailbox so I can vomit onto the cover, or at least rip off the cover and throw darts at it. This is the most epic thing I have seen all week and it's only half way through...

All the Glimmer is gone.

All the glimmer and sparkles are now absent from my life.

The glamour-whore did not win American Idol.

See this is what happens when you don't vote... Coffee shop musicians (ie-Kris) win the most glamourous title of them all- American Idol. Kris, including his puppy eyes, doesn't really deserve to be prom queen. We all know he won't be wearing the sash and tiara for very long. He will be forgotten. But this glamour-bot will be gracing the pages of many magazines (Maybe even RollingStone?) for years to come. 

This Lady...

This lady, this trick, is my hero. I think Miss Chelsea Handler is fabulous: hilarious, sassy, cunning, charming and maybe a little out of line sometimes. This is the way I like my role models, sassy and clutching a bottle of Grey Goose.

Check out Chelsea Lately on the E! Channel.

It will "make your heart explode" or at least choke on your popcorn.

TV Land

It's finale time in TV land. 

Kudos to Joan Rivers for winning Celebrity Apprentice. 

One down and many to go: The Biggest Loser, American Idol, 30 Rock, The Office, Grey's Anatomy. And the list of mindless self indulgence goes on.

As far as American Idol goes, my vote goes to the glamour-whore that is Adam. When he sings the heavens open up; sparkles shoot out and rainbows and unicorns frolic around in bliss.

Let's just see what happens...

I Don't Speak Simpleton, Sorry...

So apparently I don't speak Simpleton and that I also shouldn't be working in the service industry. Well, at least that's what I have been told as of late. Recently, at work, where I am employed by a Mondo corporation as a lowly Barista, I was told by a customer that I "shouldn't be working with the public"

This is how it went down:

The customer (male, middle aged, driving a restored Red GMC truck) blows past the speaker (Where most people place their order in the Drive-Thru) and pulls up directly to the window. I greet him and say "You missed the speaker." He replies: "Yeah. well....I don't drink this shit. It's for my wife. I don't know what she said. Some words. I don't know." I then ask what I could get for him. He repeats again that he doesn't drink this shit and then says "Give me some words. Give me the longest word you got." I offer some suggestions but no really I am not giving out the right words or options for this gentleman. I give out some more words but no none of them are right that I have listed. He then says that "The girls guessed it right last time." So I reply that perhaps maybe he should "get his wife to write it down next time." This pisses him off cuz I can't read his mind so I ask the other girl working in the drive thru if she knows. She takes a guess and the first thing she lists ( a Caramel Macchiatto) is the correct one (even though it was one of the options that I had first listed off). He then says "This girl knows what she is talking about. You wern't any help!". I had then had enough of this Redneck so I left the window. My co worker handed out his shit drink and he then told her that I shouldn't be "working with the public." 

I now aplogize to the general public for being so overly offensive at all time and for serving them piece of shit beverages daily. From this Rednecks statement I have now decided that I will refrain from "working with the public" for as long as I shall live. I have now decided to never venture out in public, and will work from the confines of my lair(home). I additionally apologize for not having the ability to understand the Simpleton dialect as well as lacking the ability to speak it. "Me talk good english!"